Returning to Work After Someone Dies

Talk through your return

Ask your manager or HR contact for the bereavement policy, if your employer has one. Read it before the meeting and note anything you need explained. Ask what's changed while you've been away, too, so you know what you're returning to.

Think about the parts of your job that concern you. Perhaps familiar tasks feel manageable, but a full day of customer calls doesn't. New responsibilities at home may also affect the hours you can work. Describe the difficulty as specifically as you can.

Marie Curie's guidance suggests discussing a gradual return. This could mean shorter hours or fewer responsibilities at first, depending on your role and employer. Ask how the arrangement would affect your pay before agreeing to it.

Make requests your manager can act on

A request to 'take things gently' can mean different things to each of you. Ask about the tasks or hours you want to change. For example:

• Agree on which assignments need attention first and which can wait.
• Ask whether demanding calls or meetings can be spread out.
• Arrange for someone to check important work if you're having trouble concentrating.
• Discuss a temporary change to your schedule if you have new caring responsibilities.

Decide what colleagues should know

You can ask your manager to tell colleagues about the death before you arrive. Say what you're comfortable sharing and whether you'd welcome questions. The U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs advises managers to prepare coworkers according to the returning employee's wishes.

You might want people to know that your father died without discussing the circumstances. You might prefer to talk about him with a few colleagues. Give your manager enough detail to explain your preference, and ask them to check with you before sharing anything else.

For an unexpected question, a short reply is enough: 'Thank you for asking. I'd rather talk about work today.' If you'd like to talk another time, you can say that. You can change your mind about how much you want to share.

Plan for a difficult moment

Grief can affect concentration and leave you tired. Sue Ryder recommends discussing breaks and somewhere to go if you feel overwhelmed at work. Ask who to tell when you need to step away and how your duties would be covered.

If you look after children, serve customers, or do work you cannot safely leave unattended, agree on a handoff beforehand. Knowing whom to call means you won't have to work out the arrangement while you're upset.

For the first morning, consider asking a trusted colleague to meet you outside. Prepare your bag and anything else you need ahead of time. Keep your agreed priorities handy so you can check what's expected that day.

Check how things are going

At the next conversation with your manager, describe what you found manageable and what was difficult. A shorter shift may have helped, while back-to-back meetings left you exhausted. Specific examples give you something to work from when discussing changes.

The VA recommends periodic check-ins and flexibility as needs change. If a difficult date is approaching, ask ahead about time off or a change to that day's work. You can raise concerns again after returning to your usual hours.

If you're struggling to cope, speak with a healthcare professional or bereavement counselor. Ask HR whether an employee assistance program is available and what support it offers. You can seek help outside work while continuing to discuss what you need from your employer.